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5 Ways Practicing Self Love Helps you Become a Better Lover

Before we move onto the five ways parcticing self love can help you become a better partner and lover, I want to highlight: You don't need to love yourself at 100% to find or be a great partner.

We are perpetually learning and growing as humans and some of that important work gets done in partnership, so let's take down the illusion that perfection is needed to be in a beautiful, lasting, fun relationship.

There are, however, some sexy (and non sexy) things you can do to increase your ability to connect to and receive right partners.

Here are 5 ways practicing self love will help you become a better lover and partner:

1- We teach others how to love us, by how we love ourselves:

This self love practice is best demonstrated with examples.

  • If Jane, who is dating Josh, abandons herself by staying with Josh, even though he hasn't really shown much interest in her, doesn't text back, isn't really there for her when she needs help... The Jane is telling Josh: "It's Ok for this behavior to take place, because I'll stay right here and keeping giving you all my love, time and energy anyways". On the other hand, if Jane approaches Josh with what she needs and is fully willing to leave that partnership is he isn't available for it, then Jane is showing Josh (and anyone else paying attention), that she values her time, energy, love and will gladly give it to herself first and foremost. As this is how she desires to be engaged with.

  • If Josh, who is in a relationship with Jack, feels overworked with the kids, overwhelmed... but doesn't take time to rest, time for himself and doesn't communicate this to Jack. Josh is inviting Jack to continue as is. On the other hand, if Josh regularly asks Jack to takeover the daily chores for an hour to go and rest, Jack will get used to this behavior and even ask Josh if he needs time to himself on occasion! He literally demonstrated to Jack how he wants to be loved through his self care.

woman holding hand over her chest better lover

2- You have more time, energy for them, once you've filled your own cup.

Dating and relationship care requires a lot of patience, compassion, sexy energy, and a willingness and desire to engage.

I think most of us will agree that when we're exhausted... we're not at our best. Our energy is low so we get more easily triggered. Communication might be sharp.

Our viewpoint of a situation might come from a space of fear instead of empowerment...

And being really tired is not usually when our sexy desire is at its highest.

So loving up on ouselves first and foremost with lots of self care, rest, whatever we need to do to replenish our energy (such as dance - read about how dance can help here too!), helps us love our partners better, in all kinds of ways.

girl saying come here with finger better lover

3- You put less pressure on your partner to supply all the love you need.

We all need love and it's perfectly OK to expect some of this love to come from your closest relationships.

But no one can unconditionally love you, aside from you.

This is the honest truth.

Everyone will ultimately need to love themselves at times in their life, over someone else.

Including you!

This is completely normal.

So getting to know the ways you tend to need love, whether it's verbal praise, or feeling included, or supported... and finding ways you can give this to yourself at times, helps take some of the pressure off of this love, fully coming from your partner at exactly the time you need it. And possibly avoid a whole lot of unnecessary tension as a result.

And this goes back to number 2, you are demonstrating to your partner, what you need as an invitation for them to supply it to you, without it being a triggered demand out of feeling "unloved" in that moment. It creates space to come from a place of self love, which will help communicating this need in a more clear and genuine way, instead of being resentful.

man climbing tree with girl better lover

4- A regular self pleasure practice, maintains a regular flow of sexual energy

Stress kills desire. And we live in highly stressful times.

So everything we can do to help our bodies stay healthy, alive, strong, the better!

One way to keep our bodies alive, empowered, active is through sexual practices!

Having a regular personal sexual practice (I coach this for couples too BTW) has all kinds of healthy benefits, and keeps the energy up and active!

And for those who are dating, this allows you experience already being self-fulfilled as opposed to needing someone else to supply this for you, which is a much lower dynamic of attraction... (read more about Love Attraction here).

5- Knowing what you sincerely desire and need in your love life, helps you communicate this and turns up the magnetism for those right partners!

Contrary to what you might believe... knowing what you want is hot!! 🔥

Can knowing what you want intimidate some people?


But those people will often be those that are'nt readily suited to accomode you anyways.

Strong and clear partners, desire strong and clear connections.

Unclear or insecure partners will keep you guessing in your uncertainty.

So don't be afraid to declare this!

Don't be afraid to become genuinely dedicated to it.

You will polarize those who would've never given you what you wanted, and attract those who can and are excited to do so... like a moth to flames!!

Xine XOX

Next step... 

Now that you're ready for new love adventures in the coming year...

Enjoy this free Checklist to Healthy Love that will help you address some of the internal pieces required to ATTRACT the love life you desire. This is great for those just getting back into dating, or those seeking to embellish a current relationship. Access your free Checklist Below:


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